Nuisance or Not? 

For me, everything in general is way more complicated than it needs to be. Its how I am, I over think and make things more of a big deal than they should be. One of those main things, is; missing people and feeling missed back. I have this thing where I’m always scared to show people that I miss them or that want to see how they’re doing because I don’t want to feel like a nuisance or like I’m being overbearing. This mainly applies when I send a text or give a call and don’t get a response after the appropriate amount of time it takes to respond for that specific person has passed. I don’t have many friends, I keep a very small social circle. I have always struggled with making friends and socializing in general, I am far from a social butterfly. So, I have always been too aware of how someone could interpret how I try to communicate with them whether its via text, phone call, email or in person; its like I am constantly fighting with myself. This affects how I show people that I care and how I think other people feel about me. I am always scared to double text, I am always scared to send random messages out of nowhere, I am always scared to just ask someone how they’re doing even though I care so much. I think to myself, “Michelle, You’ll only annoy them by asking!” “What if they think your being creepy?!” “They don’t care about you or else they’d  answer…”. It sucks and I know that none of it is true but during the moment that it’s happening, I can’t help but fall for those lies and feel terrible about myself in the process. I have friends in my hometown, cities away, out of the state and even across the Atlantic ocean; there are different time zones involved and different schedules. Keeping myself from being so insecure is hard but it’s one of those things I need to work on. I know my friends love me and will always be there for me. I know there will be times where I won’t hear from them, but that doesn’t change the fact that they still care. I know I’ll start to wonder how they’re doing and want to hit them up, and be too scare to. Its a constant struggle but I will prevail, because it’s okay to care.


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