Memories Destroy Us

Its 2am and my feelings are everywhere at the moment. Why? Well because I started snooping around my old pictures and videos from over the years. Its crazy how powerful a simple picture or video can be, it has the power to bring me to tears and make me regret so many choices I have made in my life. A single memory has the ability to make me question everything. It amazes me how much things have changed in the past 2 years; I’ve lost people and faded away from afew. I thought I was done with them and had accepted the fact that things were no longer the same. I thought I was over them but the truth is, I miss them very much and I can’t stop crying because of it. All this time I have just been bottling in my feelings and just hiding them in the deepest parts of my heart. Watching those recorded memories lighted the path to that steel door with way too many locks, that was keeping them all in, and effortlessly burst it open. It hurts so much.  I could literally feel my heart breaking all over again. What makes it worse is that while I have been pretending to have moved on, they actually have. They found other people and changed their path in life where it no longer involves me, or at the very least where I am not important enough to keep in touch with. I dont know what to do with myself, I feel lost again. I don’t know what I want anymore. I feel defeated all of a sudden; like I was making all this progress to being happier and this just tore it all down, so now I have to start all over again. Is this how its always going to be? Am I destined to always feel lost?

 

 

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